Tom Thumb

The doctors told the parents there were some "problems," but no one told them there was something "wrong" with their baby. That’s the kind of thing a person rarely tells a parent, not only out of self preservation, but because it is very rude, and in this case highly politically incorrect, since the baby was so obviously deformed.

It wasn’t a terribly ugly deformity, as far as deformities go. It wasn‘t as hard to look at as proteus syndrome, or cyclopia, but you didn’t have to look too hard to see something was wrong, even though if you did look, you probably wouldn’t be able to take your eyes off of it...the child I mean. After all, it is extremely strange to see a baby that small; it almost doesn’t even seem possible. I mean Jesus, that baby boy was no bigger than a gerbil.

He was normal in every other way. And maybe you think it would be easy to take care of a tiny, otherwise healthy baby. Trust me, it wasn’t. Of course the parents didn’t need to spend much on food. Diapers don’t come in those sizes so they just used Kleenex, and an eye dropper worked pretty well for nursing. But how do you burp it? What do you use for a pacifier? How do you hear they baby crying in the night? How do you love it?

There are libraries of books about raising babies, but none, I’m afraid about raising babies so small a loose beetle could pose a serious health threat. So it was no surprise when, one day, the baby fell off the kitchen counter, landed on the linoleum and died of complications. His parents had decided to name him Chris. He was four months old at the time of his death.

Everyone agreed (not in front of the parents) that it was probably best. There is no place in this world for a human that small, aside perhaps, from gawker television shows and scientific journals. Just imagine what he would have been like as a man. He would be unable to drive or use a computer. Where would he live? A shoebox? He would never have a girlfriend or a job. Always alone. It would not be a life worth living.

There was a funeral. A normal sized casket and head stone. His parents set about having another child almost immediately.

After the burial, F. Schweinfurth of Duke University pulled some strings and had the body exhumed. The body was placed it in a jar with a formalin solution, and it proved very useful in a study conducted by some of Schweinfurth’s graduate students.